If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Your tits are I can't wait for
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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