The maid of honor just puked.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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