you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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