peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My life is pants optional.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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