call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
