Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize