Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
