I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
