Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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