Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
