Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
