Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
