Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
