I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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