STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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