Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
