2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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