Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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