a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize