the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
