This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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