No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
