the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
