I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
