i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
