My nipple is on Facebook.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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