my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
