Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
