Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
