who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
