she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
