Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize