Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
