ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
