After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
