Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
