They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
