Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
