Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
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