All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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