Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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