Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
