Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
