my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
