I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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