Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
