they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
