remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
