Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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