I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
