is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
