he puts the penis in happiness.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
