i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
