It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize