That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
