i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize