I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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