So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
