Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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