yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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