Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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