I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
