she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
