My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
