i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
