this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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