Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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