Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
