I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
