made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
