You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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