yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
