apparently the secret to your success is patron
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
