You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
