I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
