Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
