I've blown a few things in my day
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize