She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
