So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
