he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
