Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
