Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
