please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
