the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
