apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
