this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
