I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
