Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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